


And We All Live Happily Ever After

by Jennifer-Oksana (JenniferOksana)



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Adorable Bickersons, Banter, Conversations, Cute, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-06
Updated: 2016-02-06
Packaged: 2018-05-18 07:18:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5904709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JenniferOksana/pseuds/Jennifer-Oksana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mulder loves Scully. Scully loves Mulder. So we all live happily ever after, right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	And We All Live Happily Ever After

Once upon a time–

Actually, it was more like two months ago, Mulder.

That’s right. Thank you so much for reminding me. Is it some sort of anniversary I have to remember?

You don’t have to remember _any_ anniversary. By the way, it was two days ago, and I accept Visa, MasterCard or Godiva Chocolatier. So get on with the ever-so-touching story, dear.

Dear? That makes me feel ancient. Who are you, my mother?

Do you want me to be your mother, honeylovin’? I could baby you. Oh, wait, I already do that. I didn’t realize being your lover meant I also became your unpaid maid, cook, and personal shopper.

You don’t have to be my personal shopper. I liked the way my ties looked before, pookie bear. Anyway, I was going to tell the story, but you keep interrupting, love of my life, Dana of my heart.

I’m quiet. Not a word from my mouth.

Fine. Once upon a time, which was two months and two days ago–

Don’t be snippy.

You’re interrupting.

Sorry. Continue.

So, two months and two days ago– well, the story starts before that. I mean, it sort of starts the day we met, doesn’t it, Scully? I mean, it was a little love at first sight.

Don’t confuse lust with love, dearest. And don’t even try to say there was anything else.

You either, sweetie pumpkin.

Are we going to fight, Mulder? You sound awfully irritated. I’m just saying we weren’t on the best of terms when we introduced ourselves. I mean, you were cute, but I was sent to spy on you. I mean, I liked you right away, but you were also a spooky schmuck.

Don’t you make us sound romantic. You were cute, too, but your hair!

What was wrong with my hair?

I don’t know, you changed it pretty damn fast after we met. I have nothing else to say, okay?

But you’re telling the touching story of how we fell in love, sweetest. I wanna hear your version of this. It should be priceless.

My version? What, you have a different version? I mean, this is my version. We work together five years. We become closer than two people have any right to without sharing a bed. So one night, I come over and we talk for a long long time, and we kiss. And then we decide to hell with that platonic crap. Then there’s all that happily ever after, stuff.

You are the most unromantic, most absolutely insane– You come over we talk we kiss we have sex finis? You’re lucky I don’t shoo–

I’m lucky you don’t shoot me again. Get another line, honey lover.

What is this with all the new endearments? What, Mulder, you don’t like my name anymore?

I love your name. I love every last bit of your name, Dana Katherine Sculleeeeeee. It fits you so perfectly. Your red hair. Your big blue eyes. Your porcelain doll complexion. Your slim, curvy figure. It makes me so happy I believe in the happily ever after. Until you make me miss the Knicks game so we can go to dinner with your mother.

Mul– OOOH! You’re going to get it!

Slow and sweet or fast and furious, Scully?

Mulder, if you don’t stop it, I’m going to slap you until my hand hurts, then I’m going to slap you for making my hand hurt! Are you in love with me or not?

Scully? Are you serious?

I don’t want to waste my heart, mind, soul, and body on someone who doesn’t love me. I love you, you big stupid goof. You do know that, right? I mean it. You have all those awful, ungodly habits, you leave the toilet seat up, you leave empty milk cartons in the fridge–

You put your cold feet on me– you leave the bathroom covered in hair stuff. You use my razor.

You make that little sound sometimes– you know that sound. It’s not quite a groan, or a moan, or a grumble. It’s just this sound, and it makes my hair stand on end. Any woman deserves sainthood for dealing with that sound, Mulder.

Scully?

What?

Have you been replaced by Elaine Benes all of a sudden? That sound? I mean, I could go on about this thing **you**  do in bed–

Don’t even go there, Mulder. You’re funny sometimes, but you are definitely no Seinfeld in that respect.

So, are you really serious? You know I’m crazy about you. You wreck me. I fall to pieces every time you get a paper cut, Scully. I love you. I adore you. I worship you.

Mulder– God. Well. You know I love you. You know that, right? I’m absolutely out of my mind in love with you.

That– well. Damn. You’ve totally screwed up my storytelling, Scully, but who cares? We know how we fell in love. Who the hell cares if anyone else knows?

Not me. Why don’t we make dinner?

Dinner?

Well, if not dinner, then how about whipped cream, strawberries, and champagne?

Scully, you know what I like.

If that isn’t the understatement of the century, Mulder–

You think we’re gonna live happily ever after?

What the hell does that mean, Mulder? I’m just trying to enjoy an evening with my lover involving whipped cream and he can’t get past once upon  
a time.

Wanna bet?

Oh. Oh My.

Oh. Oh. My. God.

….and the prince and the princess fell in love and got married and lived happily ever after. Until the next morning. Then life started up again and ever after got postponed until at least after next Christmas.

The End.

You always have to have the last word, don’t you, Mulder?

I do not!

There you go again!

Can this just be over now?

All right, but I get to say it. Okay?

Say it. I’m not stopping you.

The End. And we mean it.

Very nice, Scully darlin.

MULDER!!!!!

(And this continues, like it should, world without end, amen.)


End file.
